getting unstuck - Part 1

Circa 1992 Julia Cameron wrote in her book the Artist's Way about "the morning pages." Simply put, these are long-hand stream-of-consciousness pages written each morning.

Well, guess what, your it. Back in 2004 when I started my first blog the posts were filled with daily stories and witty comments, and served as a place for me to express myself and connect. That blog saw me through many of my kids elementary years and partway through the middle school years, while my husband traveled.

Then they spoke up, no longer wanting to be material for my blog. Understandably so. But it shut me down. I tried to write about other things, like my garden, or causes I was concerned with, but it wasn't the same.

And so the dark years began. I held it in, occasionally connecting with a good friend. The relocation happened soon thereafter and I no longer had those friends around. Those friends who you sit down to coffee with and three hours later wonder where the time went.

And then began the gap jobs. Those jobs a woman often takes to fill the income gap to cover bills, or college tuition.

Half a decade later, or a long five years, whichever sounds more ominous, I am coming out of the gap jobs and dark years. I began a class to help me design a small business. But nothing is clicking. I am trying to focus on the garden thing, but it just doesn't feel right.

I think the sticking point is me, I don't know who I am anymore or what I want. A personal coach told me that I am approaching my second saturn, or rebirth. Questions like, "What does your life look like when you are successful?" are waved in front of me, and I stumble.

Transitions or metamorphosis, yet to be seen.


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